Personal Journal Entry 11.22.158

I wish I could tell myself I survived the Caedix virus attack on Middian, but I can't.
I witnessed what this virus did to the researchers at that Corporation, the handprints, the bloody entrails, their eyes. As scared as I was, I swore to Sedu I would never become infected, fall and become a creature like that. I couldn't uphold that swear to my God of Technology and Order.
I thought I took every precaution. I placed the highest level of maglocks on every door. I had a steel enforced doorbar on every door. I was placing an alarm trap on every door but one (the main entrance) when the first Caedix infected broke through the back door. There was nothing I could have done to keep them out. I failed and paid the ultimate price. They pierced my heart with claws, infecting me and killing me instantly.
That is all I can remember. I woke up in the Research Center under the careful eye of Kel and others. Although Kel tried to clean the blood off of my face, I was still covered in the red nightmare.
People talk. I prefer not to listen but I hear stories.
I evidently became like the infected and attacked the locals. In fact, most of Saros was infected. Several apologized for thinking about 'chopping my head off'. I didn't sleep at all Sunday night.
I was never so glad to see the sun come up Monday morning. Then the radio squawked, "Infected heading to the Barracks." I ran to the Saros Annex (we were staying with the CPL) at the back of the Barracks to see the road and my nightmares were walking straight at me.
I woke people up by checking each lock and doorbar and announcing loudly that infected were coming and the doors will not hold them, be prepared. Hardly anyone moved from their beds.
I was at the last door, when an infected came onto the porch. I was so scared I couldn't move. It wasn't until I heard Noah's voice calling y name behind me, telling me the creature was going to bust the door open that I finally realized what was happening. But it was almost too late.
The door busted open.
I screamed and ran blindly wherever my fear took me. Screams and gunfire erupted, curses and prayers and all I could do was hide, curl up, rocking to comfort myself from the horrors beyond. Eventually I calmed down, but then anger took over. I was the only one in the Barracks who could fix the doors, but I can't keep them out. What use were my alarm traps? Absolutely useless. I began to rip every alarm trap off their mounts and destroy each one. Kel tried to calm me down, as did the rest of CPL, but their words fell on deaf ears.
I.am.helpless.against.them.
I eventually came to my wits, and although still scared out of my mind, gathered all of the broken maglocks and doorbars and went to the Research Facility to access the Mechanical Tech Lab to fix and produce more.
Monday night, investigators took samples of our blood and interviewd those of us who had been among the infected dead. I gave a sample but could not get the courage to relive my death again.
Tuesday morning I received the worst news of all. The Imperials were being called offplanet.
The tension between Kel and I has grown worse since he received his orders to the point of him not trusting me anymore. I've always felt actions speak louder than words, so I told him some truths about my background. Truths I've hidden. I thought the action of telling the truth would have been enough for a Human, but I was wrong. Dead wrong. I may have lost him forever.
Now he is no longer on Middian and I am lost without him.